The Challenge of Maturity
“Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another.” – Immanuel Kant
How do you act when you are under stress? Are you angry, depressed, or anxious? Do you keep your cool and reflect on your feelings? Do you yell at others? Do you sometimes fall silent? Do you admit when you know you may be wrong about something you have said or done? Do you forgive others, or yourself? Are you accountable for your actions?
What do all these qualities have in common? They represent a plethora of opportunities to respond with maturity or immaturity. Perhaps, maturity is one of our greatest personal challenges, which puts us in situations that test our ability to respond in more appropriate ways than reflex.
Immaturity is Acting Out
“Acting out involves chronically giving in to impulses in order to avoid the tension that would result were there any postponement of expression” (1). The primary strategy at work is avoidance.
The conscious recognition of distressing feelings is deliberately supressed because they are deemed to be intolerable. The person who resorts to acting out prefers the behavioural expression of their wishes, impulses and fantasies to any perceived reality. Acting out displaces an uncomfortable reality.
Immaturity is Dissociation
When a painful idea or memory is separated from the feelings attached to it, the emotional meaning and impact are altered. Emotional and sexual abuse survivors may implement dissociative episodes to escape harmful memories. However, this strategy is contraindicated for healing from a history of abuse.
Unwanted emotions cannot be healed through avoidance. In fact, swallowing emotions may manifest into other types of health issues, including one’s physical health.
Immaturity is Regression
Retreating to an earlier level of psychosexual functioning is regression. Regression protects the self from an unwelcomed awareness or knowledge.
This allows the self to defy moral standards, fears or disappointments too painful to bear. Regression allows the self-belief, having absolved adult-minded behaviour, that I can operate more like an unknowing child.
“Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.” – Joshua L. Liebman
Maturity is Taking Responsibility
Being a responsible person involves holding yourself accountable for your actions and not blaming others. The blame game is not in your vernacular. The rewards of taking responsibility are immense. You are your own person. You take on the good, the bad, and the ugly with no need for regrets or justification.
You may need to curb your urges to be a heroic leader. The over-responsibility of taking on others' tasks does not serve others well. Instead, it reinforces their passivity and under-responsibility issues. The co-dependency of over and under-responsible individuals is inefficient for both. The roots of responsibility are mysteriously linked to the wings of independence (2).
“Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.” – Travis Bradberry
Maturity Controls Emotions
Consider the impact of your emotions on yourself and others. When we stay calm and in control of our emotions, we can avoid unhealthy emotions like anger or frustration. We may also avoid conflict with others and regret for ourselves.
Aim to regulate your emotions and not to repress them. When we repress emotions, we create unwanted anxiety, depression, stress, sleep issues and even muscle tension. This type of repression long term can lead to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. This swallowing of emotions may also lead to significant health issues down the line.
Maturity Shows Empathy
When we are demonstrating mature behaviour, our empathy is evidence that we understand and care about how our actions affect others. Cognitive empathy is understanding someone else’s state of mind. Emotional empathy is mirroring another person’s personal energy in a feeling response. Both types of empathy are mature and show compassion for the other person.
Maturity Listens Well
When we give the speaker our full focus and attention and set aside distractions, like cell phones for example, we are demonstrating maturity. In addition, eye contact and body language will reinforce your engagement. Obviously, not interrupting, being accepting and non-judgemental are signs of a mature listener.
Asking open questions allows the speaker to share more. Reflecting with paralanguage and clarifying will also enhance your effectiveness as a mature listener.
“Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity.” – Calvin Coolidge
Maturity Implications
The implications of immaturity are varied. When pressure or frustration increases with immaturity, one’s personal relationships will be strained.
There are myriad examples of immaturity leading to conflict. In the workplace, inappropriate relationships may evolve into conflict. Whenever this conflict occurs with supervisors or colleagues this type of immaturity may end in your eventual dismissal.
The inability to control emotional impulses will interfere with personal relationships eventually. In romantic relationships, poor emotional control will also contribute to difficulties in achieving genuine intimacy and may also end in permanent breakups.
Contrary to immaturity, mature emotional responses have several payoffs. The mature responses will lead to long-lasting effects, which could include higher self-awareness, greater accountability, and better emotional regulation.
Being mature promotes healthier relationships in general. There will be subsequent changes in how you handle conflict. Ultimately, you will be able to improve how you process your emotions and build trust.
You may even begin to experience the personal satisfaction of being more in control of yourself. Your mature responses with others have the potential to elevate your successful social interaction and your self-satisfaction.
You are now free to eliminate the automatic immature childlike reactions to control your insecurities. Your immature masking strategies will no longer be needed to cope. Your mature reactions will boost your confidence to be okay with who you really are and how you want to be.
References
1-Vaillant, G. E. (1992). Ego Mechanisms of Defense. Washington DC: American Psychiatric Press.
2-Wilson, B. (2023). The Responsibility Continuum. Psychology Today, Feb.10, 2023.
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