“Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.”

Charlie Chaplin

Perception is how something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.  This definition highlights the potential inaccuracies that may unravel.  My perception depends on my sensitivity to how others see me, my ability to understand without personal bias toward myself or others, and my skill at interpreting situations accurately. 

These precursors can send many people into a dysphoric nightmare.  Dysphoria is a deep state of unease, dissatisfaction, or unhappiness, the opposite of euphoria.

Characteristics of RSD

“When you do something that maybe wasn't the best thing to do at the time, you don't want to hold onto those feelings of guilt, shame or embarrassment, as much as you'd like to learn from them.” – Andrew W.K.

Shamed and Embarrassed

Shame is an internalised feeling about self.  You label yourself as bad.  Embarrassment is an external feeling about an action.  I did something bad.

Both shame and embarrassment are self-inflicted.  When something is self-inflicted it can be self-managed.  My perceptions of shame and embarrassment may be real or imagined. 

When there is a history of reinforcing shame and embarrassment, there is a high probability that you are self-inflicting a pattern of behaviour that is counterproductive.  This characteristic adds fuel to the fire of RSD.

Avoidance Strategies

Handling Feedback

Oversensitivity may be especially vulnerable to negative feedback.  The feelings of rejection from the past are never far from the surface.  This vulnerability makes dealing with negative feedback harder to accept, which may trigger emotional outbursts.

To accept constructive feedback, the oversensitive person will have to relegate past criticisms to the past in order to not contaminate the present.  The skill involved in this strategy is to see constructive feedback as a potential to learning and growth. 

“Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance.”

Brene Brown

Perfectionism

“It is worth pointing out that feeling things (which usually means feeling them painfully) is at some level linked to the acquisition of knowledge.”

Alain de Botton

Emotional Regulation Strategies

Hina Sultan, a clinical psychologist, has identified the four R’s of emotional regulation, which are recognize, relax, reframe, and respond.  These four strategies will assist your ability to regulate your emotions and be less prone to rejection sensitivity.

1 - Recognize what emotions are running the show right now.  Are you angry or frustrated?  Are you anxious or sad?   

2 - Calm your body and your mind by focusing on some deep breathing exercises to relax.  Breath from your diaphragm, which is what we do just before we fall asleep.   

3 - Change your perspective by reframing another way to look at your emotions.  Are they teaching you something about yourself? 

4 - Respond by acting with intention now that you are relaxed and thinking more clearly.  You have moved from being reactive and impulsive to being more proactive.