“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

Passion is a good thing, right?  Passion is connected to love, right?  Could they both be related and also unrelated?  The word passion is derived from the Greek word paskho.  Paskho means “to suffer” or “to endure.”  This is not what we usually associate with passion.  We usually associate passion with deep feelings of commitment and love.

Love on the other hand, appears to be more complex than passion.  Sternberg said: "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a commitment component."⁽¹⁾

In Greek there are four words for love, agape, eros, storge, and philia.  How are these types of love connected to passion?

Agape

Agape love is a selfless love, which is altruistic, spiritual, unconditional and a feeling of goodwill for humanity in general.  It is a charitable love.  A giving of self to others.

Could suffering or enduring pain be any part of agape love?  Because agape love is selfless, even when your love is unreciprocated this type of love enables you to love without being offended or hurt.  

Being a priest, a social worker, a teacher, a parent or even a psychologist, this type of love would serve you well.  Ironically perhaps, having a greater passion for whatever you are doing will increase your ability to maintain agape love. 

Such love is more holistic, not something one turns on or off.  Agape love is therefore an overall disposition of the human self.   Agape love is more of a disposition or character, which Aristotle called a second-level potentiality or potency. 

Eros

“Eros is not tranquil - it gives us spikes of happiness rather than a constant feeling of wellbeing. It's the love we feel at the beginning of a love affair and corresponds to the expression 'falling in love' since it is as involuntary an impulse as a physical fall.” – Francois Lelord

Eros is romantic love and sexual attraction for another person.  Eros is motivated by the expression of one’s authentic self in which one’s personal value system, emotions, beliefs, and preferences are not censored but rather demonstrated to, and recognized by, one’s partner.  The danger of co-dependency or the losing of oneself in order to adapt to, appease and secure the ongoing love of one’s romantic partner can result when a person essentially becomes the other and no longer him or herself. ⁽²⁾

Could suffering or enduring pain be part of eros love.  Co-dependency is not the only potential heartache of eros love.  Conflict, separation, divorce, and family court are a few of the possible downsides to eros love.  It seems that eros love in isolation is not as robust as agape love.  Eros love needs a companion love and not just a companion.       

Storge

Storge love (pronounced store-jay) is the love family members have for one another. In other words, it’s “familial love”.  Storge love also extends to the concepts of commitment and compassion, and when taken with this meaning, it can also extend to close friends and even pets.  However, C.S. Lewis also proposed that expecting affection irrespective of moral behaviour could lead to further negative behaviours, such as envy, ambivalence, and smothering love.

This highlights the complexity of storge love – meaning that, although familial love bestows many emotional benefits, it may also have downsides. ⁽³⁾  Passion, even in storge love appears to have some suffering and enduring pain.

Philia

Philia love is about friendship and loyalty to others or things.  A lover of books is a “bibliophile.”  “Chorophilia” is a lover of dancing.  “Francophiles” love anything French.  “Dromophilia” is a love of crossing streets.  And appropriately, “sesquipedalophilia” is a lover of long words.  These are all positive.  Are there any negatives? 

What about paedophilia?  We know that there is suffering and enduring pain, or paskho, as a result of these inappropriate feelings toward children.  Passion here emulates a pain and suffering that affects individuals, families, and whole communities.  

“If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.” – Benjamin Franklin

The Paradox of Passion

Love and passion do have some similarities, however there are also some glaring dissimilarities.  The healthy connections of love and passion can evolve into the unhealthy.  Suffering and enduring pain can be found in eros love, storge love, and philia love.  Only agape love, which is a selfless love, escapes the clutches of the paskho definition of passion.  

^References

^{1-Sternberg, R. J. (2007). "Triangulating Love". In Oord, T. J. (ed.). The Altruism Reader: Selections from Writings on Love, Religion, and Science. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Foundation. p. 332.} 

^{2-Tobin, J. (2018).  “Attachment Love” vs. “Erotic Love” Podcast.  August 11, 2018.} 

^{3-Lewis, C.S. (1960) The Four Loves. A Harvest Book.}