“The ‘Me’ of self-identity is our autobiographical identity.” – Henry James

When being ‘Me’, my view of self is based entirely on my experiential history.  We assess ourselves on what we have done and what has happened to us.  Conversely, according to James, the ‘I’ self-view is thought to incorporate our self-awareness of the here-and-now.  We are no longer in a past reality but have transitioned to the present. 

The duality of the ‘Me’ and ‘I’ helps us understand how many of our feelings of self may be misrepresented by contaminating our present self with our historical self.  When we are too focused on our past, we may not be able to be in the present.

Anorexia is an example of this possible misrepresentation.  The anorexic person, when asked to identify their current body shape, will consistently say they are two or three body shapes larger than their current reality. 

When this happens, the anorexic person is seeing only the ‘Me” or autobiographical self of being overweight.  They appear to be unable to see the ‘I’ of their here-and-now awareness and true body shape. 

How do we get from this outdated version of who we were and get back to the person we are now?  What is the reinforcement schedule that keeps us in the past?

“Rational behavior requires theory. Reactive behavior requires only reflex action.” – W. Edwards Deming

Reflexive Thoughts

Automatic thoughts are preprogramed and become reflexive.  These thoughts have been habitually reinforced over time.  These thoughts are triggered by past experiences.  They are not necessarily related to the present however we bring them into the present through habit.

Thoughts like: “I can’t do this,”  “Nobody likes me,”  “I’m a failure,” are all examples of reflexive thinking.  These thoughts surface automatically from the past because they have been reinforced over and over.  We do not create these thoughts because they are already in the hard drive of our past.

We know that negative reflexive thoughts can be debilitating, even crippling.  They can metastasize into depression, low self-esteem, and decreased motivation.  They are a product of past events that did not go well.

Reflexive thoughts are old and use dated information that has little or no resemblance to what is happening in the moment.  However, they have been reinforced to the max and are waiting to ambush. 

Understandably, the person who navigates turbulent thoughts on a regular basis will start to lose confidence and may become even more negative in their thinking.  How do we extricate ourselves from these reflexive thoughts?

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret J. Wheatley

Reflective Thoughts  

Positive thoughts come from reflection.  They are not automatic like reflexive thoughts.  They are formulated from careful and in-depth consideration of our learning experiences.  Through introspection we move from automatic and reflexive negative thoughts to a more positive and meaningful level of thinking.

Reflective thinking is not based on one’s past experiences but are rather in the moment and supportive.  Thoughts like: “This is new, but I am learning,”  “I can do this, it might be hard but I can make it,”   and “I am good enough,” are examples of thoughts that emulate reflective thinking.

There will always be the challenge of resisting automatic reflexive negative thoughts in the background, but the positive reflective thought process can take over the foreground.  When we master this process our thinking will start to boost our confidence and motivation rather than tear them down.     

“The most important thing about a person is that you know who you are and what you want. You should be capable of introspection and evaluate yourself.” - Louis van Gaal

Introspection

Introspection, as the term is used in contemporary philosophy of mind, is a means of learning about one’s own currently ongoing, or perhaps very recently past, mental states or processes ⁽¹⁾. How do we separate the “Me” from the “I”?  Through introspection.  Introspection is a conscious decision, not automatic. 

Introspection allows us to understand our emotions and thoughts, which leads to better decision-making.  Introspection increases self-awareness.  Introspection also allows us to align our thoughts and feelings with our values.  By looking inward in the moment, we evaluate where we are emotionally and cognitively. 

Journaling and meditation can assist the process of introspection.  Writing utilizes different parts of the brain and can stimulate new ideas.  Through meditation, a clearing house for thoughts, you can renew and refurbish your thoughts and feelings giving you a fresh start in a new direction. 

Similar to reflection, introspection is about being in the moment not in the past. To separate your "I' from your "Me", establish a use-by-date on your past so you can recognize and put into action a process of skillful reflection and introspection. Your moment-to-moment experience will be less contaminated by your historical recollections and your decision-making abilities will be more apropos.

Reference

1-Introspection.  Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Apr 25, 2024.

Dr Bruce Wilson is a psychologist with 30 years of experience. He enjoys sharing his ramblings with friends and colleagues. He is currently in private practice at Mind Health Care in Geelong, and Someone Health in Sydney, Australia. This article is solely his work.