“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” - John Maxwell

Leaving one’s homeland can be either voluntary or involuntary.  War has pushed many expats from their country of birth with the option of staying being untenable.  The decision to leave one’s home is easier, and more clear-cut.  

Voluntary expatriation, on the other hand, is more complicated, because there is a choice involved in staying or leaving.  This decision now elevates to a more complex dilemma known as a ‘competitive commitment’.

What is a Competitive Commitment?

In the human psyche, competitive commitments occur when the individual is having difficulty committing due to their commitment being in two or more directions at the same time. These commitments are competing due to the reality that they are in direct opposition to one another (i.e., freedom versus security).

In most cases, the competing commitment is stronger than the commitment to change, which creates an immunity to change unless the underlying assumptions are uncovered and acknowledged as not working.

Competitive commitments are one example of a seemingly unhealthy desire, at the core of a need to maintain an ambivalent situation, which is creating havoc but appears to have no solution. Uncovering these false assumptions becomes critical to resolution ⁽¹⁾.

How Do We Solve This Ambivalence?

The clarification of one’s values is one positive outcome that can come from the struggle to understand one’s ambivalence ⁽²⁾.  My competitive commitment is about my ambivalence in terms of my values. 

Values clarification is my first step toward the resolution of my ambivalence.  Identifying and maintaining one’s values in whatever decision is made is paramount to any successful transition from the competitive commitment.

Understanding Our Protective Frames Helps

Protective frames are self-created views about reality ⁽³⁾, a concept originally conceived by Michael Apter the founder of reversal theory. Our three protective frames are the confidence frame, the safety frame, and the detachment frame.

“Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.” – Vince Lombardi

The Confidence Frame

A confidence frame allows one to approach the edge of danger, while experiencing feelings of both high arousal and feelings of protection simultaneously. The individual pushes and has no limits. They seek excitement and look for the exhilaration of danger.

The confidence frame can be appropriate or inappropriate and needs to be tested carefully for accuracy. This frame is not only relevant to people who work in physical danger but also to anyone who puts themselves at emotional or mental risk.

On a guided tour in Africa, with highly professionally trained guides and the protection of a barred vehicle, I can experience the tiger without the cage due to being in my confidence frame.

I am seeking the excitement of the tiger in its natural state. My confidence frame, as always, may be accurate or inaccurate. I can get nose to nose with the tiger out of the cage with confidence because I am in the cage.

“Confidence cannot find a place wherein to rest in safety.” - Virgil

The Safety Frame

A safety frame allows the individual to feel there is no danger and no immediate possibility of slipping into danger.  The individual seeks security, avoids anxiety, and feels an absence from stress and strain. The safety frame can also be inaccurate and this sometimes leads to catastrophe. Date rape, home invasion, and unexpected redundancy are examples.

On this same guided tour of tigers in Africa, I am several hundred meters away from the tiger, out of the cage, but viewing the tiger through binoculars. My sense of safety is heightened by the distance between myself and the tiger. However, if I become too complacent with my safety frame by wandering for a closer look I may slip into danger.

“The detached observer's view is one window on the world.” – Kenneth L. Pike

The Detachment Frame

A detachment frame allows the individual to participate in what is going on, but only as an observer.  The detachment can be manifest physically, mentally, or emotionally. The detachment frame features putting others at risk while standing back. Although detachment may be positive at times, switching off at the end of a hard work day, this frame can also lead to ruminating and unrealistic fantasies.

On this same guided tour of tigers in Africa, I have decided to stay in the lodge and wait until the guides get back with video of their encounters with tigers in the wild. I am okay with others taking the risk and will enjoy the benefits of their risk taking. My detachment frame has allowed me to participate in the event but only as an observer, this is not unlike most sporting events viewed either on TV or from a distant stadium seat.

Possible Implications

Consider how many of your life experiences are viewed from a protective frame. When faced with the decision to be confident, safe, or detached, which did you choose?  How will being in the appropriate frame help you decide to leave or to stay in your homeland?

Do you ride a rollercoaster in your confidence frame? Or, do you seek safety or detachment?

On the ski slopes, are you on the black diamond run, the beginner’s slope, or in the lodge watching others?

When you are jogging with headphones on at night, are you in a confidence or detachment frame that might not be appropriate? Can you hear or see the oncoming vehicle as it approaches you from behind?

Knowing your preference for protection is another form of self-awareness. I might even learn over time that many of my protective frames are inappropriate or inaccurate and put me at risk.

Maybe I am too confident in my ability to ski or board the black diamond run and I injure myself. My injury is about my inappropriate confidence frame on the slopes. On the other hand, my need for safety or detachment may be inappropriate and contributing to my feelings of disinterest, boredom or lack of fulfillment.

Discovering one’s appropriate protective frames could facilitate a more productive and satisfying experience. Conversely, failing to do so could end in some form of injury, either physical, mental or emotional. “Well-being, in general, is increased when the experiences we are having align with those we prefer at that moment ⁽⁴⁾.”  Protection, however, may or may not match this preference.

Expatriation requires resolving any ambivalence as well as alignment with our values.  In addition, having the appropriate protective frames of confidence, safety and detachment will serve to supplement our decision-making process and allow a smoother transition to our expatriation.

References

1-Wilson, B. (2019). The Deconstructing Competitive Commitments Model. The Counsellors Café (UK).

2-Wilson, B. (2023).  Ambivalence and Self-Anger: Is There Any Relationship? Psychology Today, April 28, 2023. 

3-Wilson, B. (2025).  Understanding Protective Frames.  Psychology Today, May 19, 2025. 

4-Augustin, S. & Apter, M.J. (2016). Architecture and the Protective Frame. Journal of Motivation, Emotion, and Personality Vol. 5 (2016), pp.8–17.