“Most people want the convenience of the Internet far more than they want the private spaces that older forms of communication protected.” – Ross Douthat

Current trends in the digital age are pointing toward an everyday clash for many individuals.  The desire to exploit all the convenience of technology is becoming more and more incongruent with the experience of face-to-face connections. 

More time is being spent on the virtual world of screens, mobile phones, computers, ipads, social media, selfies, virtual reality, and gaming with less and less time on the real world of face-to-face contact.  The convenience of the digital world, and e-communication, is in direct competition for our time with real life relationships. 

This might be considered a competitive commitment.  What is a competitive commitment?  

Competitive Commitments

A competitive commitment ⁽¹⁾ occurs when an individual is having difficulty committing due to their commitment being in two or more directions at the same time. These commitments are competing due to the reality that they are in direct opposition to one another (i.e., digital versus face-to-face). 

When the average person is on screens between 7-11 hours daily, there is minimal time to establish or maintain face-to-face relationships.  Even when individuals want more of the face-to-face contact, the distraction of the digital world may pull them away.  When their distraction evolves into their attraction a competitive commitment is now in play. 

Once cornered in one’s competitive commitment there is an urge to stay in the ambivalence, which adds stress and anxiety to the indecisiveness of the situation.  The longer someone dwells in this indecisiveness the more difficult it becomes to extricate one’s self and make a decision.

“While loneliness has the potential to kill, connection has even more potential to heal.” – Vivek Murthy

Loneliness

One potential reason for the increased attraction to a virtual world lifestyle might be an avoidance to real life challenges.  The technology may be providing a refuge from reality for some. 

This might explain countless millions spending most of their leisure hours on screens.  This refuge is more about social escapism rather than social enhancement.  When social technologies are used to escape the social world and withdraw from the social anxiety associated with social interaction, feelings of loneliness may escalate.   

In the Harvard Business Review ⁽²⁾, researchers reported various impacts of loneliness on psychological and physical health, and one’s longevity.  Their findings are shocking.  They report obesity was found to reduce longevity by 20%, drinking 30%, smoking 50%, and loneliness by 70%.  Also reported is that loneliness increases one’s chance of stroke and coronary heart disease (the leading cause of death in developed countries) by 30%. 

Fantasy vs. Reality

The current competition between living an identity of fantasy or reality is happening for all age groups.  How many endless hours are spent curating the image of self that we present to others, especially with online profiles?  And, let us not forget that others are doing the same.  Will they even notice how much time and effort you have put into your curated self?  

One possible insight into the curated self to remember is that by hiding your vulnerabilities, you might actually be exposing them.  After all, every identity issue one works hard to protect and hide telegraphs to others what may be fearful to show.  My mask will not protect me.  Fantasy and hiding behind the curated self will hopefully lose out to reality.  And if it does not, you may lose yourself.

When does a tool become a crutch?  A tool assists and aids functionality. A crutch, on the other hand, assists and aids dysfunctionality.  When anything transitions from a tool to a crutch, the resultant effect is that dysfunction has replaced function.

With utopia at our fingertips, we might just drop out of our reality more and more. We may become immersed in the creative potential to live in a virtually perfect world rather than a flawed reality. We are already seeing this with the exponential growth of the gaming culture, with an estimated 2.8 billion participants. 

Virtual reality in not only for entertainment but for educational settings, and an ever-expanding growth in social media. Instagram for example, allows the creation of our perfect life, our flawless beauty, our amazing friends, and our incredible experiences.

AI will just add another dimension to our ability to escape from the real world.  I can have total control of what happens in my world, unlike the real world. Could AI become my personal bailout from a bankrupt reality?

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.” – Dean Ornish

Intimacy

Technology will not cause humans to lose language, writing, or reading per se, however, it may change all these skills to look very different than they do today. Our spelling may become “text-like” and abbreviated.  

Our writing skills may become more childlike due to infrequent use.  Our reading may become sporadic and predominated by skimming due to time constraints. However, these are probably not the most significant changes on the horizon.

More likely to be our most substantial loss is our ability to experience communion.  Communion is composed of two words: "common" and "union." Common indicates a certain likeness of things, a commonality.  You are similar to the other; you are equals.

When union enters the picture, the division between you and the other dissolves.  The two become one.  Rather than seeing the other as being a mere reflection of yourself, they are you. Communion is intimacy.

A loss of intimacy is the real risk in a future techno world of communication without communion.  Social intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and even physical intimacy are likely to decline.  What we reinforce gets stronger and what we do not reinforce gets weaker.

A Reinforcement Schedule

What we reinforce becomes habitual.  Habitual behaviours are actions that are triggered automatically by contextual cues, becoming ingrained through repeated performance, and are often less reliant on conscious thought or motivation.  In other words, these behaviours create an existence that is less and less within our control.

This means that I must become more aware of this reinforcement to achieve change.  The automatic pilot must be switched off to make room for a more positive vortex of reinforcement. 

I am aware that I cannot be perfect, however I know that slight changes toward positivity can still make a difference.  And, when I reinforce the good and not the bad I grow.    

^References

^{1-Wilson, B. (2023).  Deconstructing Competitive Commitments. Psychology Today, February 20, 2023.}

^{2-Seppala, E. & King, M. (2017).  Burnout at work isn’t just about exhaustion.  It’s also about loneliness.  Harvard Business Review, June 29, 2017.}