Baditude

Bruce Wilson, PhD

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” – William James

Living your life with negative beliefs, emotions, and behaviours affects everything. Understanding the source of a poor attitude, or “baditude”, can alter your relationships and your outlook on life. Where does a poor attitude come from? Are there specific strategies that can change one’s baditude into gratitude?

The Source

When we dwell on the negative aspects of our life there are repercussions. Negativity feeds on itself. That is, it becomes automatic. Ruminating is a good example. It is believed that when we ruminate 7 out of every 8 thoughts are negative. Negative is on auto-pilot. To transition to positive we need to shift to manual.

Negative thoughts also lead to negative emotions. It becomes increasingly more difficult to experience joy and happiness when we are constantly reinforcing how miserable we are. Emotional regulation also becomes more problematic when we are feeling less tolerant and amenable.

Once we have reached our emotional threshold, regaining control of our thoughts and feelings is even more challenging. Eventually these negative thoughts and feelings start to impact our behaviour.

Impulsive behaviours are more prevalent when thought processes are minimal. Emotionality will create even more opportunities for impulsive actions. Our baditude is now at full throttle. Thoughts, feelings and actions are all now under the control of my negative attitude.

Useful Strategies

Many of our attitudes come from an external source. Sometimes an irritating person, at other times an impossible situation. These outside-in frustrations are everywhere. When we let these frustrations accumulate, we are moving toward our threshold of tolerance.

It becomes paramount that we handle each frustration as it arises without building a gunnysack. By handling each frustration as a singular issue, we avoid the buildup potential.

Separating another person’s actions from the person is the key. Anyone can make a mistake or create an issue but seeing these actions as inappropriate behaviours and not the person’s character will reduce the potential for conflict with others.

Talk about the behaviour not the person’s character. Obviously, your attitude will be salient here. Relaxed and calm works better than aggressive. Successful experiences with others will create more confidence and lead to even more successful outcomes. Success will be a partial assist in the shift from being negative to being more positive.

“Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.” – Edward de Bono

Expectations

Unknown to most is the paradox that expectations and frustrations are correlated at a high degree. The higher my expectations the more likely frustration is waiting in the wings.

Therefore, I need to adjust my expectations of others, the situation, and myself. When I fail to do this, I set myself up to feel cognitive and emotional dismay, leading to negative overtones. Having realistic expectations will free me up to be less affected by outcomes, either positive or negative.

Baditude Payoffs

Are there any payoffs to a bad attitude? Yes, many payoffs are on offer. Negative expectations allow external circumstances to free me of personal responsibility. The blame game is on.

Being reactive means blaming others for choices. It means that you react to situations through your emotions. This approach can often come across as shaming, resentful, insecure, or angry.

We often assume that other people are on the same page that we are, when in reality they are not. The conflict that subsequently arises is a derivative of our differences. When these differences continue to be unknown, any relationship can gradually deteriorate.

Others become the reason for my bad outcomes. Situational issues are the reasons for my failures. I have an alibi for everything when I adapt the baditude philosophy. The externality of the world explains my place in the world.

The Antithesis of Baditude

What is the opposite of baditude? Gratitude is the antithesis of baditude. Unlike baditude, which is a negative reactive response to life’s challenges, gratitude is a positive proactive approach.

Gratitude is about an appreciation of life’s experiences not a critique. Gratitude supports wellbeing with positive thoughts, feelings and actions, which reduces anxiety and stress.

Journaling one’s feelings of gratitude will enhance rather than deter one’s resilience. We know that resilience promotes learning and growth.

“The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it.” – Stephen Covey

The Proactive Approach

When we are proactive, we are responding in anticipation of future problems, needs, or changes. Instead of waiting for things to happen, we are making things happen. Being proactive is an aptitude and an attitude. It is a way of doing and a way of thinking, which, when combined, become a way of being.

Individuals that move from being reactive to being proactive have several advantages. Their proactive attitude allows them to communicate in a more positive way, especially with themselves.

Proactive people know themselves better, think beyond the short term, have more self-control, look for creative solutions, and have more self-confidence. They have traded their emotional reactivity for an upgraded level of communication with themselves and others.

Healthy individuals will still need to question their own opinions. They will need to take responsibility for their feelings and how they affect the feelings of others. Healthy individuals will need to celebrate the positive but not ignore the negative. They will need to combine their self-awareness with their social awareness and be empathic about both.

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