“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”

Albert Einstein

We are all aware of being attracted to someone.  We are not as aware of how this works in reverse.  That being, how salient is it that someone is attracted to me?  It is possible my attraction to the other may wane but it is also possible the other’s attraction to me may wane? 

Outside-in Attraction

Our external awareness drives the outside-in connection to someone else.  We are usually attracted to someone’s appearance first but not always. It may be their personality or some unknown quality that sparks our attention and ultimately our attraction. 

Because these features of the other are superficial, we may lose this feeling of attraction more readily.  We know nothing about this person but how they look in the beginning.  This is not substantial information but rather superficial.  The outside-in attraction is a starting point and not a conclusive decision about the other.  We need to know more.

“Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. Where we used to think about what was 'safe,' we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities.” – Martha Beck

Inside-Out Attraction

We are generally drawn to other people with similar attitudes, values, backgrounds, and physical traits, which provides a sense of comfort and stability.  This takes some time to learn.  We are now learning more substantial information about the other, which may or may not promote those initial feelings of attraction.  However, they are at least not superficial qualities but rather qualities that could instil commitment.  To find out the subsequent value of these observations will require repeated contact and familiarity.

The Duplicity of Attraction

One of the main reasons that attraction is so difficult to maintain is that attraction requires both parties to stay interested and committed.  The duplicity is also going on within each person.  That is, I am attracted to you but are you still attracted to me, and vice-versa?  You could still be attracted to me but I have lost that feeling for you, and vice-versa.

“Greatness lies, not in being strong, but in the right using of strength; and strength is not used rightly when it serves only to carry a man above his fellows for his own solitary glory. He is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own.” – Henry Ward Beecher

Attraction To and From

Other Attractions

Outside the realm of relationships per se, there are other types of attractions that still adhere to the duplicity concept.  Work is a good example.  My attraction to work requires certain payoffs.  I might need to feel purpose and meaning in my work.  There may be a certain amount of remuneration or reward for my services.  When these things are happening, I probably feel some attraction to my work. 

Receiving appreciation or perceived value from my employer may also be a significant contribution to my attraction to my work.  There appears to be a “to and from” of attraction in my work experience similar to my personal relationships.

Work would only be one isolated example of this attraction dynamic.  Friendships, family relations, professional affiliates like my GP, my dentist, etc. would also have to be included in the to and from of attraction.  Lapses in care or support in any of these areas might end the attraction temporarily or completely.

Attraction is guaranteed to happen but not to last.  Like any connection, work and effort is required to keep it.